Good news!

Not much time to blog right now but 110.8OMGGG!!!!! And it's after breakfast (200 cals but not having any other food today so it's ok)
In other news dads still being an arse and we have to go out as a family tomorrow. I hate few things more than family outings
Still, 110.8! Yay!

Sorry again

I've been missing off of blogger for ages, I know. Nothing much to report. It's half eleven at night, right now. I've been sleeping a lot and shaking now and again. Eating has been ok, a fairly steady and predictable pattern of a few mouthfuls of cereal, sometimes some grapes for lunch, one or two coffees and dinner. I've been staying off of counting calories and, although it seems like such a lot of food when I list it all, it's as little as I can do while everyone's on my back. My mother is constantly reminding me about eating more and saying that I haven't given her a leg to stand on when it comes to defending me to pushy teachers. Also my dads back and it's he'll. He's an arrogant git and a nuisance. I know, of course, it isn't healthy to say those things about my father and yes I love him really because he's family. But god. can we send him back to Australia? Anyway, my family relationships aren't exactly the most disturbing or unhealthy thing on this blog are they? Which brings me onto my last bit of news, I managed to nick one of my mum's replacement scalpel blades. I was considering stealing her new and very sharp filleting knife, wondering whether or not she would suspect me. By chance, I was using the scalpel to cut some paper. Isn't it lovely when everything just falls into place? It cuts much deeper than my knife and is easier to hide (in my mini sewing kit) ;)
Swimming at school on Monday, which I can't get out of since I faked a cold last week. Fucking PE is degrading enough but this... Well depending on how things pan out, it could be the end of my little secret and the beginning of counselling sessions and such. I know K looks at me when we're changing, and I can only hope it's because she suspects me, rather than anything more creepy. Probably so she can go and squeal to the teachers. Ok I know it's not fair to criticise someone for telling an adult of they're trying to help, but it's not that with her. She relishes it, spends all her time in the office just chatting to the nitch, mrs G. And when weld see her, she all K talks about. It drives me mad. Sorry, I'm ranting and I shouldn't. As you can tell, I'm not best pleased with anyone at the moment, but I'll go into more detail on that another time.
Weight has gone down finally from 15 to 13. There is hope.

Bad start

Today was the first day back at school and it sucked. Aside from lessons being awful I've realised that there is no way I can get out of eating. I could maybe handle having breakfast everyday since my mum watches, if I could cut back on anything else. But now I actually have to have lunch too. A little dish of pasta, cereal bar and a yoghurt which, even though I can miss out the latter two is still too much. And I have Em, who not only has nobody else to eat with, but suspected me previously of under eating. She's doing really well in recovery so I don't want to set her off again. Also she most likely knows all the tricks. K never has lunch with us anymore which is annoying because it means that I can't leave Em on her own. (don't get me wrong it's not that I don't enjoy being around her it's just that I don't want to have to eat) unless I can find a way of getting around it, I'll just have to deal with teachers on my back. It seems a shame because my mother was so sure that I was fine and I hate to make her feel foolish after fighting for them to stop bothering me. Now she keeps commenting on me not eating enough. Now schools started she says she wants me to try and do three meals a day. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Hope you're all in a better position!

New Layout

I changed the layout, hope you don't mind ;) It looks a little dark, idk but the old one was a bit... cutesy. Like, in a rainbows and cupcakes and sprinkles kind of way. I actually think the fish bones are adorable (I got some silver dangly fish skeleton earrings yesterday) haha. Yesterday I had a long walk around a shopping centre with a friend and her gf. Stayed over and they didn't make me eat anything which was cool. Zero cals the whole day :) I'm used to my other friends noticing when I don't eat, especially since one of them knows some of the story. Its nice that they don't take it too seriously though; they joke about me never eating which is a good sign that they aren't worried and a little reminder to be the person I want to be. Among other things, to them I'm the girl who doesn't eat. It's pretty funny in a way. Of course I do eat and I always say so. The last few days have been binge free. Also, my parents have decided to give my bro's allowance to me now that he's got a job and he gave me his old camera now that he has his fancy new one. I just need to buy a lens off ebay. I'm done with summer now, bring on the lovely cold weather! Going back to school soon though :( Homework, classmates and worst of all- eating lunch. I dunno how I'm going to get around that.
Oh well.

Braces

Hey everyone, hows it going? Hope youre all doing well. Sunday, I went to Summer in the City with a friend and got to meet TomSka which was awesome even though I already met him at MCM (btw I'm a nerd) he was very cool and gave everyone a hug. It rained really heavily for ten minutes and there were some really skinny girls there which made me feel pretty bad. I ended up bingeing. Tuesday, me and three friends went on a spur of the moment trip to Thorpe Park (a theme park for anyone who doesn't know) and I had a cracker and nothing else which was awesome. Minor binge on Wednesday. Yesterday was a good day and I also met up with a friend and I bought the most awesome tweed-elbow-patch-doctor-who blazer from H&M after my orthodontist appointment. It's ten past seven in the morning now and im getting braces in just under an hour. Booh :( but I suppose my teeth will be straight which is good. Also I just wanted to remind anyone that my iPad has some kind of fault that won't let me type comments or replies to comments but I'm working on fixing it. I might start using my laptop in the near future anyway and hope my parents don't see. Lol.

Fail. Faaaaail. Failfailfail.

Just got back from my nan's three and a half hours plus traffic. No more pear cider, giant cookies and takeaway. I'm afraid to weigh because I'm so fat right now. My legs are okay ish. Thighs Idek and my stomach which was getting better now look pregnant. Fucking hell. And my periods back. Anyone got any clue about this? It started when I visited my nan up north and it carried on for a few months and went away. Now its back for the first time, I got it the day after I got there. What the hell? Maybe it's the air. Hope you're all ok, gonna go take a much needed shower.

Idontevenknowwhatdayitis

Hi guys, I just want to say that my iPad is being weird and won't let me comment or reply to comments but to the lovely commenters, thanks and I hope you're all doing well. Stupid technology. Idek.

I'm going up north to Lancashire to visit my nan today. It's just going to be me and my mum (and my nan obviously) as my dad's working and my bro just got a new job and can't ask for time off. He's earning £50 a day by the way which is pretty amazing as he's 17 and it's more than twice minimum wage. Anyway he lives at home so it's not going on rent or anything; he's saving up for a new camera and he also has a surprise for me apparently. Aww <3 my bros great but very loud (hes my polar opposite including the fact that he eats tons of crap and stays thin as a rake) and so I'm looking forward to peace and quiet this week. And it will be doubly quiet where my nan lives too.

Anyway, onto the important stuff. I binged pretty bad yesterday. Crackers, 3 fucking club bars, strawberries, cream, and leek and and potato soup. But weirdly I don't feel that awful. It was kind of like I'd been doing so well lately (even though  didn't lose) it was to be expected and I kind of welcomed it. Now I can get back to restricting.

Good luck everyone x and have a great week!