Today is the last day of the Easter holidays and I'm feeling deflated and a little depressed. I have a ton of homework to do as well. I'm really dreading going back to school. Brace yourselves- here's a long anecdote. I'm not fussed whether anyone reads this; it's just nice to put it all down and get it off my chest and in some kind of order as well. Haha, expecting a lot of tl;dr.
My friend Em, as I said before, is recovering from anorexia although still going through good patches and bad patches. Its actually quite funny that as I learn more and more techniques and tricks, I recognise some in her- such as literally always moving. Anyway, it works two ways so she notices if I don't eat or make an excuse to not sit down and eat at lunch time. Part of me wants to treat it as though its none of her business but she worries about me and I hate to upset her, as she's having on-and-off depression. In some ways, it's hard work being friends with her, but I don't regret it at all as she's so lovely and the sweetest girl I've met. It's not her fault anyway. My other friend, K, is the queen of unsubtelty. She frequently points out or jokes about how little she (herself) has eaten or deliberately turns the conversation to when her brother pointed out how thin she was or how Miss has been going through her lunchbox. It isn't helping Em get better. It's frankly quite pathetic that she feels she needs to compete with Em for attention. Don't get me wrong, she's bubbly and nice to talk to and I don't usually bitch about people like this. It doesn't really matter, as no one reading this knows who I am or who she is. But, the other day, out of the blue she tells me that she has to see the head of key stage. I asked why and she shows me the faint scratches on her arm and claims that she's self-harming. Maybe she is, but if so why is she boasting about it? I've only told one person about my scars- M, who doesn't go to my school but is like a big brother to me and who I would trust with my life. And I only told him because he was asking for weeks why I was so quiet and I felt guilty for keeping him in the dark. And talking of my scars, my mum had a phone call home because some girls had noticed them and reported me. She demanded to see them, so I made some more to look like cat scratches which satisfied her. She phoned school back and told them it was my cat and now the only difficulty is how awkward it will be seeing those girls again. I bet they think I'm a freak. Oh well, I am.
Anyway, I'm behind on so much schoolwork and faced with the difficulty of how not to eat. I have to have breakfast because my mum is around. Em and K will be making sure I eat lunch and I can only leave dinner for so long untill my parents call me up on it. If I eat that much, I'll get so fat! I'm trapped. Help!
No comments:
Post a Comment