cornered

My head of Key Stage pulled me in to have a go at me. Apparently Em and K have been reporting me for God knows how long and each time, she's phoned my parents. Not that anyone thought to tell me before now. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that Em and K are just trying to look out for me, but can't I just make my own descisions anymore? If I don't want to eat, why should I have to? Anyway, it looks like I'm going to have to start having lunch, or at least appear to. I'm being slowly cornered by everyone around me. Even my friend in another class pulled me off for a heart-to-heart about how I've not been myself lately. They're trying to box me in and make me eat and the more I think about it, the more I want to refuse. As well as that, I'm just so mad at myself for thinking I'd gotten away with it so far. Argh! I should have realised they were all conspiring against me right from the start.
Anyway, Miss told me I'd lost weight and my eyes looked sunken in or something. The funny thing is I took it as a compliment. I've not lost weight though; I'm stuck at 106.8 lbs. It's so frustrating! If I eat, I'll gain but if I restrict the best I can hope for is to maintain. And starving isn't an option- not with everyone watching me and waiting for me to slip. My mum takes it all as a bit of a joke, which I'm thankful for- she suspects nothing, although if I'm not well again by the end of the week, she's going to take me to a doctor. I'm half wondering if I should (and whether I have the control to) stop eating altogether. Maybe they'd put me in a horrid clinic or a nuthouse where nobody would bother me... Apart from doctors. I hate doctors. Maybe my class would make me a birthday card and send it in and I could prop it up by my hospital bed while I waste away, all punctured with needles and drips. Yuck.
I hate to upset Em and I wish I could reassure her that I'm okay but I know she won't listen. It's not fair to do this to her. But if I eat I'm miserable and if I don't eat they're miserable which makes me miserable too. It just seems like I spend so much of my time trying to please people, that just maybe I could have this one little thing for myself?
Sorry for the rant.